I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
