Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
