I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
