It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
