whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
