I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
