I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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