adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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