my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
