Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
