I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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