now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
