Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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