if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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