is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
