I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
