$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
