party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
