Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
