1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
