I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
