No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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