Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
