I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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