We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
