My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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