Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
