How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
