I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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