I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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