Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you're hired as official boob wrangler
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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