She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
