i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
