I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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