Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
