Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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