whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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