i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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