Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
