Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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