she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
