I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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