Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
