but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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