I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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