who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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