did you get engaged???
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
