dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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