Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
