Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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