My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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