so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He did a backflip because drugs
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