were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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