talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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