Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
