Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize