You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
