Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
