Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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