Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
