I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
