How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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