guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
