i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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