and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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