my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
