sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
