operation harelip BJ is a go
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
