# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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