There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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