My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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