your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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