We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
