Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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