i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
