Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is the high leading the old right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
