Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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