i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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