matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
