You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
