ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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